Episode 1413

Aired: Wednesday November 24, 1971

Jonathan Frid's voiceover: "It is a special day at the great house of Collinwood, one of the happiest in a long long time in the history of the estate...."

There is a large birthday cake sitting on a table in the old house. The entire cast is present as the most adorable 8 year old, obviously a future candidate for People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive," steps up to blow out the candles. Professor Stokes says "By my calculations, this episode should air on your birthday, young man!" Everyone sings "Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday Dear Charles Delaware Troll, Happy Birthday to you!" Troll answers "Wow! This certainly is a strange parallel universe of sorts. Tell me, are we in the normal Dark Shadows world, or the strange and mysterious world of parallel time? I might write about it someday once the internet is invented by Al Gore." Barnabas answers "How should I know? I'm the guy who walked through the closing credits carrying my blue jeans yesterday!" Skull with Eyeballs suddenly pops out of the cake and begins to dance. Quentin shrugs and says to Troll "Sorry, he's the best we could do since Angelique has the day off."

Sorry, couldn't resist.
Start again.

After a replay of Tuesday's close and the titles, Kitty stands over the dead body of the now aged sailor. She puts her gloves back on and turns to Evan, who is standing behind her. "You have an excellent sense of timing," she says to him cooly. Evan looks over the body and laughs a little. Kitty looks at herself in a compact mirror and smiles. Evan remarks "So, are you still the fairest of them all?" She turns to him and says "I'll always be, you know that." Evan answers "The Sheriff found the other one. I heard he's investigating." Kitty laughs and says "What can he possibly find? A dead old man that no one cared about. That's all anyone will find." Evan tells her they might want "to get rid of this one" to avoid any trouble. Kitty answers "I'll leave that to you. I must return to Collinwood before Benjamin misses me too much." Evan laughs and says "And what surprises do you have in store for him?" Kitty tells Evan "not to think too much." Back at Collinwood, Harrison is reading a newspaper in the drawing room when Quentin comes in. Quentin looks at Harrison and thinks a moment, and Harrison asks him what he's thinking about. Quentin says nothing and pours himself a drink before studying Harrison more. Harrison puts his paper down and says "You're looking at me strangely. What are you thinking?" Quentin answers "I'm thinking that you have no interest in this estate or the money or who gets it. Am I right?" Harrison answers "I told you, I'm a man of independent means. I don't want anything from your grandmother." Quentin smiles and says "That's what I was thinking. You might be the only one I can trust to help me with something." Harrison wonders what.

Edward is in the study working on some papers when Kitty comes in. She asks him if he's seen Benjamin, and he answers no. She starts to ask him about the Collins family business, and he answers that "it can often be overwhelming considering the incompetence of some people." Kitty apologizes for bothering him while he's working and he says "it's no bother." She smiles at him and he smiles back, and he says "The other day, we had a conversation...." He can't finish the thought, and she says "And you've been thinking of me since?" He says yes, and says that he really shouldn't "because of Benjamin." Kitty answers that she and Benjamin aren't married, and Edward answers that while he thinks Benjamin can be "too weak sometimes" he says he couldn't do anything to hurt him, since "he's always been loyal." Kitty walks straight to Edward and plants a big kiss on his lips. "I've always valued loyalty, but only to a point," she says. He gives in and kisses her back. Evan is arranging some things in Kitty's room when she enters. She tells him that "everything is going very well." Evan looks around and asks her if "this house is worth everything you're planning." Kitty answers it is, and tells Evan to leave her. After he's gone, she looks in the mirror and thinks "I will have this house....and once Benjamin is under my influence, Evan is easily disposed of. All that remains is what to do with Edward...." She smiles an evil smile.

Harrison and Quentin enter the study, but Quentin starts to lead Harrison out when they see Edward in there. Edward looks a bit disoriented, and tells them not to leave. Quentin asks him what's wrong, and he says he's not sure. "I feel very tired for some reason." Quentin tells him he's been working too hard. Harrison takes a closer look at him and says "You do look very tired, Edward. Your face is flushed and you're out of breath." Edward answers that he's been under a lot of stress recently. Quentin answers "We all have, thanks to our dear grandmother and her games." Edward answers that "my condition has nothing to do with this estate, I assure you. I think I will go upstairs and lie down." He leaves and Harrison remarks that Edward looked "not at all well." Quentin snaps "Maybe his personality is soaking through to the outside. Anyway, now that he's gone we can search this room." Harrison says it might be impossible to find something without knowing exactly what it looks like. Quentin says "It must be a paper, probably in an envelope, or perhaps rolled up and hidden in something else. In any case, we have to find it and as soon as possible. I have a feeling my grandmother thinks she's going to be alive to tell us where it is, but I have my doubts. And if we don't find it.... I fear that man Trask will have enormous power over this estate."

Edward is laying in his bed and begins to dream. He's walking through a foggy Collinwood, and the doors of the drawing room open. Kitty is there in a wedding dress, and Edward suddenly sees himself wearing a tuxedo. He walks to her and she smiles. He puts the ring on her finger and leans in to kiss her. But when he pulls away and opens his eyes, he gasps in horror - he sees a skeleton with rotting flesh standing in the wedding dress before him, and it starts laughing at him, reaching out to kiss him again. He tries to run away, but Evan suddenly appears in the doorway, laughing at him as well. "Why are you running, Edward?" Evan scoffs. "You two are made for each other!" Evan turns the terrified Edward towards a mirror, where he sees his reflection as a rotting skeleton in the tuxedo. He yells "No! No!" as Evan and Kitty cackle and laugh. Edward wakes up frightened and panting. Meanwhile, Quentin and Harrison are walking down a hallway as Quentin says "We've searched a lot of rooms so far and found nothing. Years ago this room used to be my grandmother's....perhaps she hid it in here." They are standing at the double doors of the parallel time room in the East Wing, and when Quentin opens the doors - the room is darkened and empty. He looks at it shocked, and cannot enter the room when he tries. Harrison looks at his clouded ring and gets nervous.